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what IS a best friend? what makes you and someone considered best friends? is there an actual defiinition to it? i have no idea. some people have like so many best friends you can't even count them with both your hands while some people only have one. well, i have always considered us best friends.... the best there is in the world. but are we really? i can swear with all my heart that i've treated you like how i would treat a bestfriend of mine and i have no regrets at all. but i guess it just isn't a mutual thing between the both of us. i don't know how many nights i've spent sitting in my sad corner, thinking about you and what i've actually done wrong. but...... maybe it's not my fault, it's not yours either. maybe, things just won't work out no matter how many times we try. or maybe it's just that your definition of a best friend is different from mine.... i have no clue. people whom i haven't really talk to much can understand me so well, can actually be there for me..... but people whom i actually think i'm close to.... hah i don't even know what to say about them. okay, i'm not complaining as i really think i'm really lucky and that i should be satisfied with what i have now but things like these just make me sad y'know?....... nights like this suck big time. i really need to talk to you but you're too busy talking to other people, too busy caring for other people. what happened to always being there? i'm not blaming you but i just really hate it when this becomes a one way thing. well, i'm sorry but friendship is a mutual thing, if only one person is putting in the effort.... what's the use? i just really want you to know that you mean alot to me even if i don't really mean anything to you at all right now. i'm just....... really disappointed.

i'm done trying, just so you know. and this time, i'll really stop trying for real. i'm really tired.