disappointments.

it sucks to be a disappointment to your parents, to your teaches, to your friends and basically just to everyone. it really fucking sucks when i actually did put  in more effort this time compared to other times. it sucks when i'm told that if i do my best, and put in lots of effort, the result doesn't matter......... and guess what? THE RESULT FUCKING MATTERS. why aren't we allowed to do things we actually like and instead, all of us are stuck in this hellhole called school, wasting our years away studying things we may not even remember in the future. everything about school sucks. idek where to start it's just such a huge burden on my shoulder rn i'm just so annoyed and frustrated and just UGH. i've already planned out nicely when to relax and when to study for the next two months of holidays and suddenly just because of one phone call from the teachers, i'm being forced to do at least one paper of a subject EVERY SINGLE DAY. what the fuck man i'm seriously sick of studying like what the hell do you want me to do..... how does learning how to calculate a beach profile or remembering all the trigonometry identities help me when i'm older? IT DOESN'T. like omg everything is just so annoying and i'm just so fucking tired of studying. i know i have more talent in doing something else but just because school is like compulsory, i'm actually forced to do something that will make me feel demoralised???? like what the fuck is this logic man. and then adding on to my studies, i'm having people around me who are having really bad problems and i'm just feeling so useless that i can't do anything to help them..... life IS unfair and what can i do about it? nothing. i'm just so done.

SO FUCKING DONE.

thoughts.

what exactly makes a person happy? can people really be truly happy for the rest of their lives? it's always the good people who gets put into the worst situations. but why? many things have happened lately and i have absolutely nothing to say about it. everything's just so fucked up and idek. what happened to the days where we can just relax and spend every night watching hi-5 and playing club penguin? what happened to those times where all we're worried about is to get into the best class in primary school? now we even have to fear the chance of retaining. does growing up really do this to everyone? as time passes by, everyone around me are getting more and more angsty, and their smiles and laughter are getting less and less genuine. it sucks to see people around you so sad and frustrated but yet you can't do anything about it. it sucks when you are the one having a problem too but you still have to deal with so much shit going on everywhere. it sucks. it really, really sucks. i hate this feeling i keep getting and i've been avoiding these thoughts for too long i just really need to get it out. it's hard to love life nowadays, all people wanna do is to die, to leave this horrid world. life is unfair, it really is. why cant every night be really chill, sitting by some really pretty place with a good book in hand, a cup of coffee or tea and some good music? why can't everyone just be happy? i don't even know who to trust, who to go to when i need a shoulder to cry on, who to share all my deep dark secrets with anymore. all these feelings really suck. my grades are dropping, my life is just sinking away day by day. don't we all wish we could just rewind time back to the old days where everything was all chilled and relaxing? everyone wants to be happy, but even the most optimistic person on earth has problems. why are we all even trying so hard when the outcome never fails to disappoint us? everything just fucking sucks.

everything,

U P D A T E .

just some fillers to fill up this empty space. :-) sorry for the lack of posts but my life is not really that exciting nowadays soooooooo HAHA.

ON A BRIGHT NOTE, I GOT A COLOURING BOOK AND OIL PASTELS HURRAY.

ok bye i'll be back i promise love you all bye bye bye.